"…So that only the memory of anger remains…": An autoethnographic analysis of the loss and mourning of addicted parents.

Growing up in a family with addiction can have an impact at many points not only on childhood but also on adulthood. A child who grows up in a dysfunctional family could experience a grieving process from childhood, of which two layers can be distinguished-the grief associated with the loss of childhood and the loss of the idealized parent. The grieving process becomes complicated when the parent dies; this is the third layer of grief. Through the first author's auto ethnographic account, we will show characteristics of a complicated grieving process that an adult child may experience after the loss of a parent. The analysis reveals a specific pattern of grieving following the deaths of parents who have struggled with addiction, with general findings and probably significant individual differences. The pattern appears to be the least marked in the mourning of parents, with considerable grief and self-work required both before and after the parent's death.