"I did not know I was gay": sexual identity development and fluidity among married in China.

This study aimed to analyse the life experiences of married (defined here as men who are sexually attracted to men) in mixed-orientation marriages in mainland China. The study used a life course perspective to understand sexual identity development among , born in the 1970s or thereabouts, in heterosexual marriage and rural China. The study focused on identifying the experiences of the 13 participants. Using thematic analysis, we found sexual identity development was influenced by China's historical and social context and, in particular, internal (e.g. internalised heteronormativity), informational (e.g. Internet), and cultural (e.g. family-oriented) factors. Some did not follow an identity development trajectory as "out and proud" since their identities were embedded in the complexity of family life and social pressure, the invisibility of "gay circles", and normative social roles. They chose instead to maintain their heteronormative marriages, while seeking to explore and fulfil their homoerotic desires. Implications are discussed for epistemology, methodology and advocacy.