Background: Tensions and anxieties surround secrecy within families in the context of gamete donation and family building. This paper presents the views of parents who had kept their use of donor insemination a secret from their offspring. A sub-set of these parents said that they wished to tell their now-adult offspring, and discussed the questions and issues this secrecy raised to them.
Methods: In-depth interviews were undertaken with heterosexual parents (of 44 families) who had given birth to children conceived via donor insemination between 1983 and 1987. These interviews comprised a follow-up study, with the first interviews being undertaken when the children were aged up to seven. In this paper, qualitative data relating to a sub-set of 12 parents (from seven families) who now wished to tell their offspring are presented.
Results: The parents describe the pressures that the secret-keeping had created for them as well as the impact of those pressures. They report on the reasons they now want to share the family building history and the associated fears and anxieties about doing so. The parents all say that they wish they had told their offspring much earlier. In five of the seven families, parents describe how the offspring had raised questions concerning a perceived genetic disconnection between them and their parents.
Conclusions: Keeping the use of donor insemination a secret from offspring created considerable pressure for these parents. Despite the secrecy, offspring can become aware of the genetic disconnection.
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